Oct 134 min read

Resilience in Friendship

Updated: Oct 25

What I expected her response to be and how she actually responded was very different. Does that mean she is not genuine in her intentions toward me? Is the friendship done and over? Or could God still have a plan for our friendship that is greater than this present moment of unmet expectations, hurts, and disappointments?

How do you respond when things don’t go as planned in your friendships? One of the most needed characteristics in friendship is resilience. Resilience is defined as, “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change” (Merriam-Webster). I like to think of it as the ability to bounce back from a setback. And if we are all being completely honest here, even the best of friends experience opportunities to exercise resilience so that friendship may grow with consistency.

I believe resilience is the key to cultivating longevity and loyalty in friendship. In order for our friendships to flourish, we will need to have a “big picture” awareness. It is important for us to understand God’s intentions for our friendships that fulfill His kingdom purposes and reflect His heart for community with our sisters. Knowing this from the onset gives us a “long-haul” perspective that could otherwise be easily dismissed in our present day “cancel” culture.

In 1 Samuel 20:42 (NIV), we read these words: “Jonathan said to David, ‘Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’ Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.”

What a beautiful example of loyal friendship we observe in David and Jonathan’s friendship. Over the course of their friendship, there were many challenges and obstacles they had to navigate. Namely, Jonathan’s father (Saul) wanted to take David’s life. Isn’t it interesting that Jonathan would have been the natural heir to His father’s throne, yet he was able to foster a flourishing friendship with the very man who would essentially replace him instead, with him never getting to become king?

This serves as a godly reminder for us that it is possible to have covenant friendships that honor God. David and Jonathan’s friendship endured the tests of time, and they reaped the fruit of longevity that comes by way of resilience. They did not allow external barriers to hinder their commitment to their friendship.

The next time you feel as if you are hitting a brick wall in one of your friendships, remember to stop and pray. Assess the situation and ask the Holy Spirit if this is an opportunity to build resilience in the friendship and allow mercy, love, forgiveness, and empathy to be on display. There is a strong possibility that on the other side of this friendship hurdle is lots more goodness God wants to manifest for the greater good of the friendship and for His glory.